Category Archives: McSweeney Rejects

Dear Coobie Bra Company

Posted on February 24, 2016 by Liza Blue

Dear Coobie Bra Company, I would like to thank you for your bras, not for their comfort and modest price, both exemplary qualities, but for their unintended consequences.  Your Coobie Bra has prompted me to directly confront my mortality as … Continue reading →

Posted in McSweeney Rejects | 1 Comment

Open Letter to Dick Wolf, Creator of Law and Order

Posted on December 14, 2015 by Liza Blue

Dear Dick Wolf, As creator of the television show Law and Order:SVU, I would like to thank you for elevating the word “heinous” from the depths of SAT vocab obscurity to an everyday word. For the past seventeen years your … Continue reading →

Posted in McSweeney Rejects | Tagged | Leave a comment

Letter to Cottonelle Marketing Department

Posted on October 30, 2015 by Liza Blue

Dear Cottonelle Marketing Department: Positioning toilet paper as something other than an everyday commodity must be a challenge. Do you promote softness, or maybe strength, or somehow combine the two, all the while dancing around the taboo subject of body … Continue reading →

Posted in McSweeney Rejects, Squibs | 4 Comments

Dear Lady at the Crematorium

Posted on September 10, 2015 by Liza Blue

Dear Lady at the Crematorium, Thank you very much for the tour of your facility. I was trying to minimize my father’s “final expenses,” so I appreciated your unpretentious office behind the Harley Davidson dealership. Last year when my mother … Continue reading →

Posted in McSweeney Rejects, Squibs | 1 Comment