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Categories
Author Archives: Liza Blue
The Wisdom to Know the Difference
What would our economy be like without the work-around – a critical job niche that has employed some of the most creative minds. Intricate cross functional teams immediately spring into action whenever a new law or regulation is introduced, charged … Continue reading
Posted in What Words Mean
2 Comments
Letter to Cottonelle Marketing Department
Dear Cottonelle Marketing Department: Positioning toilet paper as something other than an everyday commodity must be a challenge. Do you promote softness, or maybe strength, or somehow combine the two, all the while dancing around the taboo subject of body … Continue reading
Posted in McSweeney Rejects, Squibs
4 Comments
Starry Night
In our suburban house there is no such thing as a dark night. Even on a perfectly moonless night my husband’s sleeping body is clearly outlined by the delicate hues of light pollution seeping north from Chicago. Through the window, … Continue reading
Posted in Nature
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The Woman in Front of Me with a Sign on Her Back at the Writer’s Conference
Two rows in front of me, slightly to the right, the woman was wearing an oversized purple T-shirt emblazoned with the word “WRITER” on her back. We were all writers at this local conference, or at least we thought we … Continue reading
Posted in People Sitting in Front of Me, Squibs
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Ear Ye, Ear Ye
“Let’s see what we’ve got here. The chart says that you don’t like your ears. Are they too large, too small, lopsided, what can I do for you?” “It’s my earlobes. I’ve always hated them. They’re just too big.” “Let … Continue reading
Posted in Squibs
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Dear Lady at the Crematorium
Dear Lady at the Crematorium, Thank you very much for the tour of your facility. I was trying to minimize my father’s “final expenses,” so I appreciated your unpretentious office behind the Harley Davidson dealership. Last year when my mother … Continue reading
Posted in McSweeney Rejects, Squibs
1 Comment
How To Do The Queue
According to unverified estimates bandied about on the internet, every year Americans spend about 37 billion hours waiting in line. Over their lifetime, Americans will spend some 2 to 3 years of their life in queue. I have absorbed the … Continue reading
Posted in Such is Life
1 Comment
I Was a Loser
Milestones came at a rapid clip when our son Ned was an infant – crawling, sitting, standing and first words. Once school started, these milestones slowed down, replaced by the predictable progress through one grade after the next. But now … Continue reading
Posted in Such is Life
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That Moment in Time
Forty-five minutes into our seven hour drive north the traffic comes to a complete standstill just south of Milwaukee. The highway is in the middle of construction and we are totally boxed in with concrete dividers and idling semis; there is … Continue reading
Posted in Such is Life
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My Short Sweet Life as a Human Target
I could think of nothing to recommend me when Susie asked me to join their senior women’s ice hockey team. After all I had only skated on figure skates, and that was over forty years ago, a time when hockey … Continue reading