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Categories
Author Archives: Liza Blue
Podcast: People Sitting in Front of Me: The Bald Man
What can you deduce from the backs of people’s head sitting in front of you. What about this bald man? Follow Liza Blue on: Share:
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People Sitting in Front of Me: The Bald Man
Even in the crowded writing conference, the bald man in front of me catches my eye, his noggin is as smooth as a bowling lane and as well-worn as a catcher’s mitt. He turns slightly and the fluorescent light … Continue reading
Posted in People Sitting in Front of Me
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Open Letter to Dos Equis Beer
Dear Dos Equis Beer, I am writing in regard to your recent announcement that you are retiring your spokesperson for your “Most Interesting Man in the World” beer campaign. I am excited by this opportunity to refresh your image. For … Continue reading
Posted in McSweeney Rejects
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Easing into the Back Nine of Life
Sixty is a magical number, the six and the zero plumply nestled together and then flanked by the stern prime numbers 59 and 61. And 60 is so accommodating, evenly divisible by 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6; the … Continue reading
Posted in Such is Life, What I Did
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Last One Picked
Our seventh grade class was divided into several cliques: the boy crazy girls, the horse crazy girls, the sporty girls, the brainy girls and the blah girls, the default category of those with no mainstream identity. The boy crazy girls were … Continue reading
Posted in Sports, What I Did
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Dear Coobie Bra Company
Dear Coobie Bra Company, I would like to thank you for your bras, not for their comfort and modest price, both exemplary qualities, but for their unintended consequences. Your Coobie Bra has prompted me to directly confront my mortality as … Continue reading
Posted in McSweeney Rejects
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Dear Presbyterian Church
Dear Presbyterian Church of the United States, First I should explain that I am not really a Presbyterian, or any sort of church goer for that matter. I would classify myself more as a spiritual atheist and a cultural Christian. … Continue reading
Posted in Pot Pouri
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Open Letter to the Producers of “The Voice”
Dear Producers of The Voice: Congratulations on The Voice, an inspiring show that captures the basic American values of “from out of nowhere” success — I cheered the young farm boy whose previous experience was singing to his cows while baling hay, cheered that … Continue reading
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Ten Foods That I Have Demonized and Can No Longer Eat
1. Liver, because as a pathologist I have done too many autopsies where I have had to grapple with slippery, greasy livers ravaged by poor life choices. (I still like ribs though.) 2. Escargot, because the action of extracting them … Continue reading
Open Letter to Dick Wolf, Creator of Law and Order
Dear Dick Wolf, As creator of the television show Law and Order:SVU, I would like to thank you for elevating the word “heinous” from the depths of SAT vocab obscurity to an everyday word. For the past seventeen years your … Continue reading